


Five Million Dollar Hulk

by whiteraven1606



Series: Loosely Connected [11]
Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 13:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteraven1606/pseuds/whiteraven1606
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hulk doesn't just battle with the Avengers. There's movie nights. And one time, there was even a charity auction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Million Dollar Hulk

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for a prompt at: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/15292.html?thread=32756156#t32756156
> 
> The press conference and the training will be a little later in the series. :D I hope you're happy with what's here.
> 
> It'll make the most sense if you've seen at least the middle Batman movie, The Dark Knight. If you haven't it'll still work, you'll just need to know that Bruce Wayne injured a knee during a chase and quit going to social events.

****

Hulk kept sticking around longer after battles. Tony might have laughed when Hulk's latest new behavior of smelling Tony after battles started to extend to Clint. Actually, Tony laughed a lot.

Clint glared at him from the Hulk's arms as Hulk buried his face in Clint's neck. "I will get you, Tony."

Tony laughed harder and waved from his seat on the bumper of his de-armoring trailer. "I know you laughed at me." He wiped at his eyes. "All is fair in love and war, Clint."

Clint nodded and sighed as Hulk finally sat him down. "Uh huh. You just remember that when I start throwing things at you."

Hulk sat down beside them and touched the trucks bumper. "Hulk turn."

Tony nodded. "Yep, Hulk's turn for dinner."

Hulk frowned. "Bruce get moo-ve?"

Tony exchanged looks with Clint. "Uhm. Movie night? Yeah, that's tonight, Big Guy." Tony cocked his head and poked Clint's arm. "Have we ever had Hulk for a movie night?"

Clint shook his head. "I'll go warn Steve so he won't freak out."

"That man is strung too tight, I'm telling you." Tony patted Hulk's knee. "Tell you what, Big Guy. If you'll give me Bruce long enough for me to explain what you want then we'll do movie night in turns too."

Hulk frowned. "Puny Bruce not let Hulk back out."

Tony scratched his chin. "I'll get him to agree. No sweat."

"Tell Puny Bruce, Hulk trade dinner for moo-ve."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "If that's what you want, sure."

Hulk nodded and closed his eyes.

****

Bruce rubbed hair, and then rubbed at his eyes. "Did I..."

"Oh, shut up." Tony dropped down to sit next to him. "You'd think by now you'd know we'd tell you if you had. Quit asking, you drive me nuts."

Bruce rubbed his temples. "Sorry."

Tony wrapped an arm around him. "I shouldn't have snapped." He leaned into Bruce's side. "Big Green wants to trade his dinner for your movie night. He told me to ask you."

Bruce accepted his shirt from Natasha when she silently approached. "Trade? Seriously? You want him to watch a movie?"

Tony smiled with one side of his mouth. "Moo-ve and yeah." He nudged Bruce's shoulder with his own shoulder. "Give it a try?"

Bruce rubbed his forehead. "What's the movie going to be?"

"It is your turn to pick."

"Great." Bruce tucked his feet into the shoes Natasha sat down in front of him. "I'll think about it during dinner. Thanks, Natasha."

She smiled at him, patted his knee, and silently disappeared.

Bruce turned towards Tony. "I hate that she can do that."

He nodded. "Me too, buddy, me too."

****

Bruce nervously shuffled into the big room they used for team actives like movies or video games. "Uhm..."

Steve smiled at him, which made Bruce want to run. Logan looked bored. Tony and Clint had an empty spot between them. Natasha was sprawled on the floor nearby. Thor was sitting in the armchair he liked best, Mjolnir at his feet. Phil was in the other armchair, his feet up on a footstool.

"Uhm. I know we normally try to watch live action stuff, but..." Bruce frowned and looked down at his hands.

Tony beckoned him closer. "It's your choice, Bruce. Pick whatever you want."

"There's an anime...it's sort of stupid..." Bruce moved closer as he rubbed his hands over each other, trying to calm down a little.

Tony grabbed one of his hands and rubbed it. "I'm sure it isn't stupid, Bruce-y."

Bruce gave him a half-hearted glare. "Don't call me that."

Tony grinned and tugged him down to sit between him and Clint. "What are we watching?"

Bruce swallowed and glanced around. Everyone was making encouraging expressions. "It's called _The Fantastic Adventures of Unico_."

"No problem. JARVIS, we've got that one, right?"

"Of course, sir."

Tony grinned at Bruce and pulled him into a one armed hug. "See?"

Bruce nodded and rubbed his palms on his Hulk pants. He took a deep breath. "Are we sure about this?"

Clint nudged him with his knee. "You had his dinner time. It is only fair, yeah?"

Bruce rubbed his hand through his hair.

Tony squeezed him a little tighter. "He has not hurt any of us." 

"That doesn't actually help, Tony." Bruce unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged out of it. He glanced around at them again and closed his eyes.

****

Tony had JARVIS put in an order for more carmel popcorn, lots more. "Happy, Big Guy?"

Hulk didn't even take his eyes off the screen as he nodded. "Hulk like. Be quiet for moo-ve."

Tony snorted and bit his lip so he wouldn't laugh outright. It was awesome to watch. The whole team relaxed after they worked out how far back Hulk had to be to see properly. Tony had vision correction on his list of to-dos. 

Clint tossed popcorn at Natasha, who deftly caught it and threw it at Phil, who just watched it land and frowned at her smiling at him.

Tony wasn't surprised when Hulk pulled him onto Hulk's lap during what would be a scary part to a kid. Tony was surprised that Hulk grabbed up Clint too.

Clint leaned in against Tony and shrugged. He put his mouth to Tony's ear. "We good?"

Tony nodded and watched the little unicorn on screen try to save the cat turned girl.

****

It wasn't long after the first movie night with the Hulk that Tony decided to try something else. Something new. He grinned. Pepper was going to yell at him for the rest of his life.

"I promise you'll liven things up."

Hulk squinted at him. "Team like Hulk now. Spaceman want not-Team to like Hulk?"

"It isn't..." Tony frowned. "You are important, okay?" He waited until Hulk nodded hesitantly. "Bruce hates charity auctions because just anyone could end up with an evening of his time. I always have to make sure either I or a proxy of mine outbids everyone."

Hulk frowned. "Not-Team buy Puny Bruce?"

Tony shook his head and pulled his under armor off. "No, not him. Just four hours of his time."

"Oh." Hulk held out Tony's worn band shirt.

"Thanks, Big Guy." Tony pulled it on over his head. "See, he hates it because people always want to either talk him to death about some lame ass theory they've got or they wouldn't know intelligent conversation if it bit them in the ass." Tony grimaced. "Don't tell Agent I said ass around you, okay?"

Hulk snorted. "Okay."

"Awesome, thanks." Tony rubbed the side of his face. "I figure if you came no one would bid on you. They'd do the check thing and Bruce wouldn't suffer."

Hulk blinked. "If Hulk get bought?"

"It is only four hours and I promise Agent and Clint would be nearby to rescue you if you needed."

Hulk leaned down and narrowed his eyes at Tony. "Hulk no need rescue. Hulk is rescue."

"Sure, fine. I'll still ask Agent and Clint to watch out for you. Just in case."

Hulk tapped his fingers on the trailer's bumper. "Hulk think over."

"Great." Tony wrapped himself around Hulk's bicep. "Thanks, Big Guy."

Hulk stared down at him.

****

"You did what!?"

Tony shrugged. "So? You hate those things."

Bruce threw up his hands and turned to Clint. "Explain to him how horrible an idea this is."

Clint glanced from one to the other. "Look, Doc..."

"Oh, no." Bruce started pacing. "Don't you dare side with him on this. I..." He stopped to lean his forehead on the widow. "Tony, I seriously worry about your sanity."

Tony sighed through his nose and moved to fix himself a drink. "It'll be for less than half an hour. No one will want to bid on him, but they'll all want to come see it." Tony raised his eyebrows. "More checks, Bruce-y."

"Stop calling me that." Bruce banged his head on the glass a couple of times. "I want Logan there. Steve, I know is going, but Logan has to go too."

"Sure." Tony grinned at Clint over the rim of his glass. "If you want we can put Clint in the rafters with a tranquilizer."

"Nothing would get through his skin." Bruce rubbed at the back of his neck and turned looking for his glasses. "You will do nothing to make him mad, Tony."

Tony nodded. "No problem. We'll put Sass filled cups on the menu."

Bruce rolled his eyes at the Hulk's name for sassafras soda. "I hate you all."

Clint bit his lip and gripped Bruce's shoulder. "Not you don't, Doc."

Bruce shook his head as he smiled just a little. "No. No, I don't."

****

Tony beamed as Bruce looked over the clothes for the Hulk to wear. "See? It's going to be awesome."

Bruce looked like he was going to his death. "Yeah. Awesome."

Tony touched Bruce's shoulder. "Bruce. It will be fine." He looked at the closed door and then back to Bruce. "You don't have to do it."

Bruce took off his glasses and then put them right back on. "I know. I just..." He took them off again. "I really do hate the charity auctions."

"Yep."

Bruce handed his glasses to Tony, who carefully pocketed them. "Your armor is here?"

"Right next to the ballroom. Natasha has a sleep canister. Clint has a knock out gas so potent you'd better hope we don't ever need to use it on anyone. Logan has probably pulled his tie off by now. Steve will be looking stiff as a board." He nudged Bruce's chest with his fingertip. "And Thor? He was trying to out drink that Marine platoon that was sent over to help even up the dance ratio."

Bruce snorted. "Someone will stop them before the Marines all get alcohol poisoning, right?"

"I'm giving it another twenty minutes." Tony stared unbuttoning Bruce's shirt. "Okay?"

Bruce nodded. "Alright, but at the first sign..."

"Yes, Bruce." Tony pushed Bruce's shirt off his shoulders. "We've talked and planned and promised six ways to Sunday. It will be fine."

Bruce swallowed and nodded again. "Right. Fine." He shook his head and rubbed at his eyes. "If I wake up..."

"It. Will. Be. Fine."

Bruce pressed his lips together. "Good luck getting him into that jacket." He closed his eyes.

****

Hulk grinned and put on all the fabric bits Spaceman said in the order he said. "Is proper?"

Spaceman nodded. "Yep, is proper. You look awesome, Big Guy."

Hulk grinned and turned around. "Where shiny surface?"

"A mirror? You want a mirror. Uhm..." Spaceman put up one finger. "Just a second."

Hulk sat down because sometimes Spaceman seconds took a while. Spaceman came back with Starman hauling a shiny surface. Hulk smiled.

Starman whistled when he saw Hulk's proper. "That looks swell, Hulk."

Hulk looked at himself in the shiny surface and squinted to try to make the blurry less blurry. "Is proper?"

Starman looked to Spaceman who gestured at Hulk. Starman turned towards Hulk. "Yes. Looks right proper."

Hulk wrung his hands as he followed Spaceman down a Hulk-sized hallway. They waited while the next room made big noise. "Hulk no roar. Hulk stand still. Hulk smile with no teeth."

Spaceman patted Hulk's hand. "You'll be fine. I'll be right beside you. Team will all be in the room, remember? Just how we practiced, okay?"

Hulk nodded and followed Spaceman into the hot lights.

****

Bruce Wayne watched the Hulk look around more nervously than most of the guests. This had been worth breaking his seclusion for. This was the most interesting thing he'd seen in years. Stark looked perfectly at ease beside the Hulk, smiling, and patting Hulk's hand every once in a while.

The bidding started and the whole room just stared and the Hulk stared right back. Bruce leaned back in his seat and watched the various Avengers around the room. The auctioneer tried again to get a bid. Bruce tilted his head and smiled.

"Five million."

Stark glared at him and Bruce smiled wider. The auctioneer looked relieved and so did a lot of the guests, the ones not staring at him like he was crazy. The Hulk looked even more nervous. 

Captain Rogers appeared at his elbow. "Sir, are you sure that's a good idea?"

Bruce smiled his most I-am-just-a-dumb-rich-playboy smile. "I like his look."

Rogers blinked and then narrowed his eyes at Bruce. "It's your money and time, sir."

Bruce nodded. "And I have plenty of both." He could just imagine the yelling Alfred was going to do when he got home. Bruce smiled wider. It was going to be really loud.

****

Hulk followed Spaceman as they met the man that had bought Hulk-time in the hallway.

"Batsy. Good to see you up and walking."

The man smiled with teeth at Spaceman. "Don't call me that, Stark."

Spaceman smiled back and half-turned towards Hulk. "Hulk, this is Bruce Wayne. Batsy, this is the Hulk."

Hulk held out his hand like he'd practiced with Shooty Cupid. "Hulk, plea-sed meet Batsy."

Spaceman beamed and Batsy gave him a not happy look out of the corner of his eye as he took Hulk's first finger and shook hands.

"Pleased to meet you too, Mr. Hulk."

Hulk smiled and bent down, careful of his proper, to sniff at Batsy. Spaceman made a little laugh noise and Batsy turned his head to glare.

Hulk stood back up and looked at Spaceman, who pointed down the hallway.

"Batsy, you understand that Hulk is very nervous and doesn't want to be left alone with anyone. His virtue, you know."

Batsy rolled his eyes and looked up at Hulk. "He is just as bad for you as he's always been towards me, huh?"

"Spaceman not bad. Talk, talk, all time, yes. Bad, no."

Batsy laughed and then coughed, bending over his leg stick.

"Geez, Batsy, haven't you done anything lately? You look like shit."

Hulk touched Spaceman's shoulder. "No bad words."

Batsy bit his lip and then squeaked as Hulk picked him up so they could get to the hissy chick-en Hulk had been promised. "Stark."

"You're fine. He is just trying to help. I've got your cane. Don't struggle."

Hulk took them to the room Spaceman had said was for Hulk's dinner and gently sat Batsy on the soft seat Hulk knew was too puny for Hulk to sit on. "Okay?"

Batsy stared up at him with wide eyes. "Yes. I'm okay."

Spaceman handed Batsy his leg stick and Hulk sat on his cushion Redhair Lair had gotten him.

"Hissy chick-en."

"Yes, I know." Spaceman patted Batsy's on the shoulder. "Hissy chicken is Chinese orange chicken."

Batsy blinked and made his way over to Hulk's table. "I'll have whatever he's having."

"You're the greatest, Batsy."

Batsy glared after Spaceman. "Don't call me that."

****

Bruce Wayne smiled at the Hulk when he smiled at him. It was a more relaxed dinner than most that Bruce could remember having. He ignored Stark when the man finally quit talking and asked the Hulk all the questions he'd wondered about since hearing about Dr. Banner's accident.

"So, you can hear in colors?"

"Low noise colored." Hulk shrugged. "Spaceman not teach Hulk word for it, yet."

Bruce nodded and glanced at Stark making furious notes on his phone. "Was there anywhere in the world you've been that you really liked?"

Hulk blinked and thought about it. "Hulk liked Lam-bert."

Bruce raised his eyebrows and looked at Stark.

Stark grinned. "It's a restaurant. They throw the rolls. He really liked that part. You didn't see it on the news?"

Bruce shrugged. "I haven't been paying much attention." He turned back to Hulk, who was looking at Bruce's cane.

"Hulk ask question?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Why Batsy no fix leg?"

Bruce rubbed at his bad knee. "It can't be fixed completely."

Hulk leaned sideways to look at Bruce's legs. "Other leg is okay?"

"Yes?"

Hulk nodded and straightened back up. "Batsy live where?"

"Gotham." Bruce looked up as Stark approached.

"Remember the map I showed you of the country so you'd know where Lambert's was?"

The Hulk nodded. Stark projected a map onto the table.

"Okay, remember this is Tower's home?" He pointed at New York and the Hulk nodded. Stark moved his finger to Gotham. "This is Batsy's home. Gotham."

"Got-ham."

Stark scratched his nose to cover his snort. "Yeah, good enough." He enlarged the map. "Remember zooming?"

Hulk squinted. "Zoom, zoom, little, big."

"Yes. So this is all Gotham. This building..." Stark pointed out Wayne Tower. "Is Batsy's Tower. Like our Tower." Stark moved the map. "This is Batsy's home. Like Stark Mansion."

Hulk nodded solemnly. "Hulk remember."

"Good." Stark nudged Bruce's shoulder. "You can go to Batsy if you ever need to, alright?"

Hulk smiled and Bruce suddenly wondered what he'd bought with his five million.

****

Tony smiled at Bruce Banner as he rubbed at his eyes. "See? It went fine."

Bruce nodded tiredly. "Right. Fine. I remember freaking out someone, Tony."

"Nah, you didn't freak out Batsy. He's made of sterner stuff." Tony smiled. "Now, I have to go make sure he goes back to the party long enough for everyone to see Hulk didn't eat him and then we'll go home."

Bruce leaned into Clint's side and closed his eyes. "Whatever."

Tony hurried down the hall and yelped as a little black thing flew at him. "What the hell, Batsy?" He bent down and picked up the little Batmobile Hot-Wheels car Tony had made sure was on display since he'd JARVIS had told him Bruce Wayne had RSVP'd. 

"You can't call me that, Tony!"

Tony shut the door to the hallway and flicked on his scrambler before setting it on the table between them. "Why not? You weren't exactly subtle!"

"I managed just fine with no one knowing. Quit trying to turn me into you."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Ugh. I just want to smack you and Bruce both sometimes."

Bruce leaned back. "What?"

Tony shook his head as he sat down. "He's terrified of the Hulk. What do you think?"

Bruce leaned his chin on his hand. "I think you love him."

Tony half-grinned. "Yeah." He looked up at the ceiling. "There's this other guy I'm involved with too." He smiled wide. "Both of them. It's...really good."

"Tony, do you have any idea on Hulk's age?"

Tony frowned. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. How's that psychology degree you claim to not have?"

****

Clint looked up when Tony came back in, a little bruise started on his cheek. "What happened to you?"

Tony looked at Bruce in Clint's arms. "I got hit by a flying car."

Bruce snorted and then started to laugh. "Seriously?"

"Tiny Batmobile. Yeah, he and I have a competition going, I swear."

Bruce abruptly stopped laughing. "Tony..."

"Hush. No one's supposed to know."

Clint blinked. "Wait. What am I not supposed to know?"

"Really? He...wow, how bad is his knee?" Bruce wrapped his hand in Tony's shirt and then his other hand in Clint's shirt.

"I think he probably still has half a road in it."

Clint frowned, blinked, looked towards the door, blinked, and turned back. "Tony, he killed..."

"Nope." Tony sat down by them. "He took the rap. He refuses to let anyone that knows tell the truth, the ass."

Clint took a hold of Tony's trembling hands. "The truth will get out, Tony. He'll be considered a hero someday."

****


End file.
